First of all, I would just like to apologize to everyone for not posting anything about last week’s episode of Dancing With The Stars. Because of the events that took place last week in and around the greater Boston area, it just didn’t seem right to post a flippant review of a reality show about ballroom dancing. Thankfully, the worst is over, and although Boston will never be the same, I think now is as good a time as any to carry on with life as usual. I have no doubt the hardy and resilient people living in the city would agree with me.
To get everyone up to speed with the events that took place on the show last week: D.L. Hughley is gone! I can only hope that lightens everyone’s heart as much as it lightened mine. Really, that is all that really needs to be known about the previous week of the show. We are getting down to it now; the real competition is getting closer and closer to starting. Once the voting and the scoring weeds out the undesirables, (Andy, Victor, Sean, Ingo to a much lesser extent) the show will be full of dancers who are actually good, which should increase my viewing pleasure substantially. Will I ever enjoy watching the show? At the end of the day, that really doesn’t matter, does it?
Since there was no post from last week, I will review the dancers in the order they performed on the show. Of course, my disclaimer stating that I know nothing about dancing still applies, and pretty much goes without saying at this point. Onward!
Zendaya Coleman and Valentin Chmerkovskiy –
The most dynamic pair of the season (in my opinion) led off tonight with a typically fantastic dance. It was so good, it led Bruno to say some things that made him look slightly perverted. The power of dance man…it does things to you. Carrie Ann was a bit more on the level, calling the routine, “perfection in motion”. You can hear Bruno’s audio in my 60 Second Audio Recap that will accompany this post, if you are interested.
Score: 29/30 + 22/30 (Team) = 51/60
Andy Dick and Sharna Burgess –
Yep, this pair is still hanging on, mainly due to the fact that other couples have been downright horrendous rather than these two actually being any good. If I were an executive at ABC, I would just make a unilateral decision to replace Andy with someone good at dancing or appealing or…something. Do it ABC, you know you want to. I nominate Justin Prettyman from the Red Sox Foundation, because you can sense just by seeing him that he knows what it means to grove. Plus, he has an impeccable sense of style, and if you play your cards just right, you might get some sweet Red Sox tickets out of it. Mr. Prettyman, if you are reading this, I ask you to step forward as a possible replacement option, and put ABC on notice that substandard dancing on DWTS will not be tolerated.
Score: 18/30 + 25/30 (Team) = 43/60
Sean Lowe and Peta Murgatroyd –
Sean has reached his ceiling as a dancer. All he can really do at this point is dance every single week with his shirt off, and hope the female fan vote carries him far. It has worked so far, but we will see how far he can go when the terrible dancers are gone, and his stiff trundling across the stage is exposed.
Score: 21/30 + 25/30 (Team) = 46/60
Aly Raisman and Mark Ballas –
I now have confirmation from the lovely Aly Raisman herself (well, through indirect channels) that I can call her “Aly” in text and speech as opposed to “Alexandra”. This makes me irrationally happy. So yeah. As for the foxtrot she danced with Mark, Carrie Ann said that it really brought out Aly’s “Bostonian elegance”. If only I could do something that would bring out my Bostonian elegance…Sadly, I feel that this may be asking for the impossible, unless…is a winter sweater with khaki shorts is an elegant look? No? I thought not.
Score: 27/30 + 25/30 (Team) = 52/60
Ingo Rademacher and Kym Johnson –
These two danced a tango that, to me, looked a bit more hesitant than what I am used to from Ingo. I didn’t like it so much, but I guess hesitant was the right choice, as the judges gave Ingo his best score of the season. Len brought out his “bingo, Ingo” line again like it was a new thing, but this is not the first time he has used that line. I dearly hope that he isn’t going to trot that thing out every time Ingo does something that he likes. Len, other words that rhyme with Ingo, in case you are having trouble: lingo, dingo, flamingo, Ringo (Starr). Admittedly, the list might be a little thin, but hey, Ingo is Australian, dingoes are Australian, maybe run with that? Wait, what am I doing? Why does Len have to rhyme with Ingo? Just speak like a normal person Len, it isn’t hard.
Score: 24/30 + 22/30 (Team) = 46/60
Kellie Pickler and Derek Hough –
Kellie and Derek are always good for a superb dance, and they didn’t disappoint on Monday night. Kellie’s movements are so incredibly precise, it almost defies belief sometimes. This particular routine seemed a bit basic for Kellie in terms of how difficult the various movements looked, but maybe she sacrificed complexity for precision. In any case, whatever she did worked on the judges quite well. Len called it “the best dance I’ve seen all season”, and gave out his first ten as well. What else can I say: that woman can dance.
Score: 29/30 + 25/30 (Team) = 54/60
Victor Ortiz and Lindsay Arnold –
Annnnnnnnd now we are back to mediocrity with Victor. In fact, I wouldn’t even give Victor mediocrity, as he is far closer to just plain bad. As usual, Lindsay does all the dancing while Victor sort of stands around making awkward movements with his arms. Bruno said, and I have to agree, that the whole thing, “looked a bit like an airline safety drill”. When your dance looks like an online safety drill, you know you have problems.
Score: 18/30 + 22/30 (Team) = 40/60
Jacoby Jones and Karina Smirnoff –
These two always impress me, but they must be doing something wrong since the judges never give them absolutely outstanding scores. Jacoby has incredible athleticism, and they took advantage of that during this dance, but it still wasn’t enough to garner excellent scores. I guess technique is important after all. Apparently Jacoby is pigeon-toed, which is a bad thing when it comes to dancing technique. Who knew?
Score: 23/30 + 22/30 (Team) = 45/60
Team Dance -
This episode also marked the first team dance of the season, where the pairs were organized into groups of 8 people each, and tasked with dancing a synchronized routine in a specific style. This dance was then scored by the judges as one group score out of thirty, which gets added to the pair’s individual dance score this week.
Zendaya, Victor, Jacoby and Ingo were on “Team Pasodoble”, while Kellie, Andy, Aly and Sean made up “Team Samba”. I personally thought the samba group were synchronized better, but I also thought they did simpler moves. What do I know though?
Team Pasodoble: 22/30
Team Samba: 25/30
Intern Paul’s Personal Weekly Rankings:
- Zendaya and Valentin (Still have to go with her ever so slightly over Kellie)
- Kellie and Derek (As good as Zendaya, just my personal preference putting Zendaya above her)
- Jacoby and Karina (Flamboyant, but I guess that isn’t enough for the judges)
- Aly and Mark (Very well choreographed, looked maybe a bit slow to me)
- Ingo and Kym (Nice to see them get the recognition from the judges that I think they deserve)
- Sean and Peta (Jacoby and maybe even Ingo have a better chest than you Sean, keep your shirt on)
- Andy and Sharna (He has been improving, but he’ll never be good enough to seriously compete)
- Victor and Lindsay (Victor stands there and Lindsay dances; this can only get you so far)
60 Second DWTS Audio Recap:
SEE ALSO: More of ‘The View From Paul’s Basement’
