Finally, things are getting better. With the removal in recent weeks of D.L. Hughley and Victor Ortiz, we are almost down to all semi-competent dancers! As soon as Andy Dick is told to hoof it, something that will hopefully occur this week, we will be set up with a pretty decent top six. Not that I think Sean Lowe or, to a lesser extent, Ingo Rademacher really have a chance, but at least they sort of move around and do some rhythmic things a few times per routine.
Anyway, back to this week, which was “Latin Week” on Dancing With The Stars. This means that all the dances performed are Latin in origin, and huge Columbian music star Juanes is on hand for a few short live performances. I’ve never heard of this gentleman before in my life, but no doubt he has some remarkable musical skills. More importantly, Latin dances usually call for outfits that are skimpy in terms of total surface area for women, so tonight might not be so bad. Someone just tell Sean to keep his shirt on this week, please. I’ve seen enough of his pectorals for ten lifetimes.
As always, I will review the contestants in the order of their scores from last week (not taking the team score into account) best to worst, with ties defaulting to alphabetical order by last name. I will also include, once again, my own meaningless rankings at the bottom. Enjoy!
DISCLAIMER: Again, I know nothing about dancing, nor could I ever perform any of the dances I am about to critique. If you came here looking for a serious, insightful breakdown of the dances on the show, I apologize in advance.
Zendaya Coleman and Valentin Chmerkovskiy –
Zendaya and Val danced certainly the best pasodoble that I’ve seen on the show thus far. Zendaya showed a different, more intense side of herself as opposed to the smiling, vivacious young women she has been throughout the show to this point. I thought she pulled off this transition without a hitch, and the routine had excellent choreography as her dances always do. Zendaya, as Bruno said, “You look like an angel, you dance like a fury,” which is more than enough for an endorsement from me.
Judge Score: 27/30
Kellie Pickler and Derek Hough –
The samba put together by this pair was fantastic as you might expect, but a few odd things stuck out to me. Firstly, did Kellie put in some crazy blonde hair extensions for this dance, or was I seeing things? Certainly she looked great (her “gown” was more like a bikini if you ask me, which I’ll take eight days a week, by the way) but I was a little confused by that addition. Does longer hair really add much to a dance? Also, she and Derek had a short section in the middle of their performance that went into some weird slow-motion mode, which threw me off a bit. Still, I’ll borrow from Len here and say that, on the whole, the dance was, “a mix of booty, bounce, and bongos”. For the record, I don’t think Len should say “booty” ever again in that context; it’s just an awkward thing for a nearly 70 year old man to say in reference to a 26 year old married woman. Save it for your pirating days, old buddy.
Judge Score: 29/30
Alexandra Raisman and Mark Ballas –
Now, Aly and Mark had an interesting week, or so it seemed from the rehearsal footage shown before they danced on the show this week. Apparently, Mark suffered a back injury during practice, one so serious that his doctor told him that to perform Monday night on the show would take, “a miracle”. This forced Aly to practice the rest of the week with a different partner, and though I’m sure this replacement was a brilliant dancer, there were certainly some differences to get used to as well. In any case, fast forward to Monday, and Aly and Mark roll out a brilliant salsa that is chock full of energy and fun. It was, for me, easily the best Aly has danced on the show, and the most comfortable she has looked by far. The whole Mark back issue? Apparently a miracle did occur and he was good to go. He looked to be moving a bit gingerly to my untrained eyes, but when asked about it, he said he was fine. Okay then…score one for medical science and unnecessary drama build up, I guess.
Judge Score: 29/30
Ingo Rademacher and Kym Johnson –
Ingo was a little off his game this evening, or so it seemed to me. Perhaps a better explanation is that he didn’t seem to take many risks with this rumba. He was moving with his usual grace, but all his movements were simplified from what I was used to seeing from him. Maybe he simply isn’t comfortable with the style of dance, which could explain why the judges complained about his lack of hip action. The performance also led Len to try out an awkward allusion to the LA Lakers, the gist being that both Ingo and the Lakers tried their best, but it didn’t quite work out for either party in the end.
Which…Really, Len? I mean, come on man! Yeah man, the Lakers tried so hard that they barely squeaked into the playoffs with a roster including 3 likely Hall of Fame players! They tried so hard that their best player got himself ejected in the third quarter of an elimination playoff game! Leave the sport related metaphors to the people who actually watch sports Len, okay? I used to be one of them before I was stuck watching you compare former soap opera stars to NBA basketball franchises!!!!!
Phew, alright, I’m done with that. I feel much better getting that out of my system.
Judge Score: 22/30
Jacoby Jones and Karina Smirnoff –
I’m beginning to see why the judges are getting on Jacoby for his lack of technique. His movements do seem a bit sloppy sometimes. Also, his mother is becoming a bit of an issue for me. It’s cute that she is out there, defending her son from Len and his “harsh” critiques. For one episode. Tonight, they took it way, way beyond cute, skipping over aggravating and vaulting clear into annoying. I mean seriously, as reality TV judges go, Len’s remarks are about as cutting as a teddy bear. Jacoby, please tell the venerable Ms. Jones that, while you appreciate her services, you can take it from here, so can she please just sit quietly and enjoy the dancing? Back to Jacoby’s performance: the guy jumps over people on the dance floor. ‘Nuff said about his dancing ability. He can also “fart the salsa”, according to Carrie Ann, which I guess is a compliment on a show like DWTS? How someone can fart a dance is beyond me, but if it is anything like burping the ABC’s, I should audition for the next season.
Judge Score: 27/30
Sean Lowe and Peta Murgatroyd –
Oh yeah buddy, you’re time is nearly up! Try to milk it for all it is worth like the wanna-be celebrity that you are! Sean, at this point, has figured out that he has no chance to win this competition through conventional means, so he is resorting to trickery to try and continue on. This week, he brought in Catherine to help him “train” for his rumba with Peta, trying out sensual moves with Catherine first, so he can get comfortable doing them with Peta. What he is really doing, of course, is trying to appeal to “Bachelor” fans, guilting them into voting for him by shoving his “loving” relationship with Catherine down everyone’s throats. This tactic might work if you were better at dancing Sean, but unfortunately, you are so mediocre that it won’t even matter in the end. Enjoy your last few weeks!
Judge Score: 24/30
Andy Dick and Sharna Burgess –
What else can I say about Andy? He just isn’t very good. I’ve already asked for Justin Prettyman to take his place, but this call for change has evidently gone unheeded by the powers that be. Ah well, there is always next season for Mr. Prettyman. Get your golf claps ready for Tuesday night when Andy is finally voted off the show.
Judge Score: 17/30
Dance Off –
A new feature was added to the show this week, as 6 of the pairs took part in a dance-off competition. After Kellie and Derek won immunity because they had the highest score, (they tied with Aly and Mark, but I think because their cumulative score from previous weeks was higher, they got the nod) each of the other couples were matched up, performing a 40 second dance of the same style to the same song one right after the other. The pair with the highest score got to choose who to dance against, leaving the dance style up to their opponents. The judges then voted for which pair they thought did the best, with the winner getting an additional 3 points added to their weekly score. Here is how it went:
Aly and Mark VS. Andy and Sharna -
With the highest remaining score, Aly and Mark picked Any and Sharna to dance against. Need I say more? It was a unanimous, obvious decision.
Aly and Mark Modified Score: 29 + 3 = 32/30
Zendaya and Val VS. Jacoby and Karina -
In a somewhat surprising decision to me, Zendaya and Val decided to go up against Jacoby and Karina. As Val and Zendaya explained after the dance-off was over, they wanted to go up against the best remaining pair to truly test their mettle. It certainly paid off for the viewers, as they got too see two exciting, acrobatic dances one after the other. In the end though, it was Zendaya’s technique over Jacoby’s flash yet again.
Zendaya and Val Modified Score: 27 + 3 = 30/30
Sean and Peta VS. Ingo and Kym -
This was the most equally matched of the three dance offs, but it still wasn’t really that close, to my eyes. Sean was pretty stiff, which is normal for him, and Ingo was more supple and smooth, which was also to be expected. Bruno did vote for Sean, but I’m not sure that vote had as much to do with his dancing as it did with his other assets, if you get my drift.
Ingo and Kym Modified Score: 22+3 = 25/30
Intern Paul’s Weekly DWTS Rankings (Not Cumulative, Single Week Only):
1. Alexandra and Mark (Best dance I’ve seen her do, most natural/happy she has looked all season)
2. Zendaya and Valentin (Slightly different style than usual; pulled it off wonderfully)
3. Kellie and Derek (A few oddities, great dancer still of course; a tad mechanical)
4. Jacoby and Karina (Technical failings becoming more important the farther he goes)
5. Ingo and Kym (A solid safe routine…perhaps a bit too safe)
6. Sean and Peta (Catherine being shoved down our throats now; it will all be over soon)
7. Andy and Sharna (Yeah…He is lucky to have survived this long)
8. Victor and Lindsay (Eliminated)
9. D.L. and Cheryl (Eliminated)
10. Lisa and Gleb (Eliminated)
11. Wynonna and Tony (Eliminated — First real dismissal)
12. Dorothy and Tristan (Eliminated — Withdrawn due to injury)
That is all I’ve got. If you will excuse me, I have to go brood over the extremely frightening promo I saw tonight for The Bachelorette. Yeah, I know it doesn’t scare normal people at all, but then again, normal people don’t have to live with the daily fear of being assigned to review that show when it begins airing.
60 Second DWTS Recap:
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