It’s semifinals week on Dancing With The Stars. I suppose I should be excited that there are only real dancers left, but the fact that this show had to air at the same time as the final hours of the Leafs-Bruins deciding Game 7 really puts a damper on the whole show for me. I hope the game wasn’t incredibly memorable and exciting or anything. Huh, what’s that? The Bruins came from 3 goals down in the final ten minutes or so to force overtime and went on to win in sudden death? I missed all of that because I had to watch Ingo Rademacher dance the Charleston? Awesome.
As always, I will review the contestants in the order of their scores from last week (not taking the team score into account) best to worst, with ties defaulting to alphabetical order by last name. I will also include, once again, my own meaningless rankings at the bottom. Enjoy!
DISCLAIMER: Again, I know nothing about dancing, nor could I ever perform any of the dances I am about to critique. If you came here looking for a serious, insightful breakdown of the dances on the show, I apologize in advance.
Note: All performers danced two routines in different styles tonight, receiving marks out of 30 for each, thus resulting in a final score out of 60 points.
Zendaya Coleman and Valentin Chmerkovskiy –
Ok, the whole “using props” thing in dances has never been that big with me, but for Zendaya and Val’s quickstep, I think they went overboard. Clearly, “quick” was the operative word, as they came out dressed as race car drivers, complete with cars and helmets. The first few dance moves were done sitting in their cars, as the floor attempted to make it seem that the cars were moving. It just looked stupid to me, and soured the whole dance. The pair ditched the props for their second dance, a fantastic hip-hop number that put Zendaya right in her element. Just stick to dancing guys, its why you are all here, after all.
Judge Score: Dance #1 – 25/30; Dance #2 – 30/30; Total – 55/60
Kellie Pickler and Derek Hough –
Let me just put this out there from the start: Kellie is a stupendous dancer. Really, I know I have complained about her being a bit too robotic with her movements at times, but the other side of that coin is that she is just so incredibly precise with everything she does…it is a marvel to watch. All that said, what is the deal with her hair? Every dance she has done over the past few weeks, she either puts on a wig or does something different up there. This has been a recent innovation too, as I don’t remember her hair constantly changing earlier in the season. I’ve asked this before, and I’ll ask it again: does hairstyle really have that large of an effect on dancing? If not, what is the reason for this? I’m totally stumped.
Oh, you want to know how her dancing was? Uh…it was amazing. The silhouette portion of her Argentine tango? Just perfect.
Judge Score: Dance #1 – 30/30; Dance #2 – 28/30; Total – 58/60
Alexandra Raisman and Mark Ballas –
The rumba has never been a dance I’ve really liked on the show. I’m a sucker for the faster, more fun-filled dances, littered with acrobatic stunts and speedy footwork. I have to say, though, Aly put a great deal of personality into this dance, which is necessary (at least as far as I am concerned) to make up for the quickness that it lacks. There was a refined, stately quality here that was incredibly impressive from beginning to end. It was interesting to hear Aly talk about the dance after she was done, as she talked about how she has really grown up a lot as a result of being on DWTS. To borrow a phrase from Bruno, “The butterfly has taken to its wings”.
Aly’s second dance, which was “afro-jazz”…well, it looked to me like a wildly violent, ritualistic tribal dance with intense African roots, as one might expect. Not really my cup of tea, but then again, I grew up in the suburbs of central Massachusetts, so I think it is fair to say that I have led a rather closeted existence thus far. If I were a more well-rounded human being, maybe I would love afro-jazz. Maybe.
Judge Score: Dance #1 – 30/30; Dance #2 – 29/30; Total – 59/60
Ingo Rademacher and Kym Johnson –
I must admit, I was quite disappointed with Ingo’s performance in his first dance of the evening, a samba. I hate to say this, but if I were observing from a distance, I might have mistaken him for Sean Lowe, which should be a grievous insult to dancers everywhere. It just looked stiff, slow, even out of sync with the music at times, all hallmarks of Mr. Lowe. The pair cleaned it up a bit with their second dance, a Charleston, but Ingo just hasn’t improved enough. He was a long shot to make it all the way through to the finals to begin with, and it looks like he will likely fall a bit short. Still, I must applaud him for his effort and skill. Just because you don’t win on this show doesn’t mean you can’t dance, that much I can say for sure.
Judge Score: Dance #1 – 24/30; Dance #2 – 27/30; Total – 51/60
Jacoby Jones and Karina Smirnoff –
These two put together a very impressive Argentine tango, with some really amazing footwork throughout the first half of the dance. I have no clue what differentiates an “Argentine tango” from a simple “tango”, or even if there is a difference, but I certainly don’t care in the slightest. I do care about Jacoby’s mom still being featured in the audience at the conclusion of all her son’s dances. She even had a judge scoring paddle this time. It was heartwarming the first time, ABC. Let’s get the focus back to the reason everyone is watching: the dancing. That is why everyone is watching, isn’t it? Is there something endearing about Jacoby’s mom that is going right over my head or something?
This first performance also generated to most bizarre moment of the night, as Carrie Ann’s “critique” devolved into Jacoby giving her a kiss on the check, followed by a lot of unintelligible screaming from Ms. Inaba. Was it really that great? It wasn’t like this was the only perfect score of the night, as four other pairs also garnered one set of perfection from the judges. I can’t explain it, nor do I wish to try.
Jacoby’s second dance involved interactions with the judges, the band, and props in the form of trumpets. In other words, I thought it was stupid.
Judge Score: Dance #1 – 30/30; Dance #2 – 29/30; Total – 59/60
Intern Paul’s Weekly DWTS Rankings (Not Cumulative, Single Week Only):
1. Kellie and Derek (Hair changes aside, her first dance was my favorite of the night)
2. Alexandra and Mark (Not my favorite styles, but she pulled them off as well as anyone all season)
3. Zendaya and Valentin (Those race cars need to go back to the garage…forever)
4. Jacoby and Karina (I actually loved when he was dancing; too much nonsense otherwise)
5. Ingo and Kym (Kind of dropped the ball tonight when he needed to be perfect)
6. Sean and Peta (Eliminated!!!!!!!!!)
7. Andy and Sharna (Eliminated)
8. Victor and Lindsay (Eliminated)
9. D.L. and Cheryl (Eliminated)
10. Lisa and Gleb (Eliminated)
11. Wynonna and Tony (Eliminated — First real dismissal)
12. Dorothy and Tristan (Eliminated — Withdrawn due to injury)
That is everything I have for this week. Now, if you will excuse me, I am going to go read a recap of the Bruins game and try to imagine what all those glorious, clutch goals must have looked like.
SEE ALSO: Read More ‘The View From Paul’s Basement”
